Oh, I am curious If they will think I am not sexy that I am here, sitting alone and writing. I don’t know. See – there is a conflict in me, a wall, a catch 22- a paradox which makes me paralyzed. When I am sexy – they think I am a porn star, or, at least, they think I should be one, or they offer me all this sexual proposals, they chase me, and talk to me without respect – and then I want to tell them to stop treating me like that – to tell them that I have a degree, that I am an intellectual, that they should not touch my ass and so on – but when they don’t do that- I think they find me ugly, or standoffish. Or what if they think that I am a nerd! Oh, come on, people, how old are you! Why are you being so immature! This is crazy – this people- well, this one for example – he is 28 and talking about nerds like we are in an elementary school! Oh, give me a break!

I always have really stupid lovers. But very interesting. This cocaine user for example. Who said that addicts are extremely interesting? I don’t remember, but I agree with it completely. They are fascinating. I fall in love with them at instant. This one was particularly perfect. Crazy ex-addict, absolutely perverted.


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