I’ 12 and I’m very depressed
love fantasy
jesus
pills
creating an altar
but my sister is not into religion
orange carpet
and I
loneliness
almost masculine
harsh
the imagination
of the catholic church
is rigid
i need more spring
more spring flowers and water
but not to holy mary
this men in white gowns must be very sad
priests
boys in entrapment
At the Christmas table my father in law
quotes Marx and says that Lenin was a righteous fellow
I think he says it for me to hear it
but I don’t know
At the Christmas table my mother in law
never talks about politics
and is very devoted to catholic faith
but turns the blind ear to everything
as long as it pays
I sit at this Christmas table
eating their borsch
and feeling quite stupid and dumb
while thinking about my atheist aunt
who was rotting in communist prison
for rejecting the pravda’s of Lenin and Marx
My father in law
is sitting next to me and I don’t know why on my right
again quoting Engels and Marx
and I am eating this salty borsch
thinking about my grandpa’s running away from the Soviet’s hands
I want to get up
but my mother in law
pours into my plate just a little more
of her
sour Christmas borsch.
I wake up thinking about infinity
I go to sleep thinking about infinity
this isn’t normal
normal is
to think about
the dinner
the shoes
and to pay your taxes
Should I kill myself or have a cup of coffee? –
said Camus
the guy who didn’t love life
too much
I really can’t make up my mind
should I kill myself or have my Piper Methysticum tea instead?
my illegal nectar
in this sad and absurd place
from where I came
It’s just too much today
the door of the world is closing
why should I be hopeful
and lie myself to sleep
that tomorrow will be better
but it never is, not here
Should I kill myself or wait
again
fear daze connection lost
unavailable
silent hatred
Should I kill myself today
It just hurts too much
to be in New York tonight
where nothing seems to go well
but at least my illegal tea
is free at this place
antiinsanityblog 