THE AXIETY

No friends or rather

Friends-enemies

And I am myself

a friend-enemy

To myself and them

Could we escape?

Hide in the forest of Hamstead Heat

He doesn’t  understand

Enough of poetry, I say

Poetry is for the cowards or those who cannot speak

Those strong personas

those narcissists

Are putting their heavy shoes on me

I hate them

I would like to go but I can’t

Cause I am seized by anxiety 

like under the Russian invasion

It seizes me 

What is a soul and what about it

It pulls me into a murky pond. No!

Just stay still and wait

How can we stop the tornado of hate?

Let’s make a hedge

A nice hedge sparkled with magic,

a hedge nobody can’t kick

neither be a Russian or an Ukrainian

A beautiful hedge 

With no crossings

A labyrinth for the mind

Take of  your heavy shoes

Back off to your polygon

You bastard

It’s a sanctuary

I hate you 

I do I do I do

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RITE OF PASSAGE

There was a suicide planned for both of us but wasn’t executed

You are mental

Yes, you are

she said

You are just insane

Fidel Castro

Drag queen rebels

Transatlantic, trans-human

No, I am not a Vatican spy

And I’m sick of the insults

She added, typically upset

There is a deep hole

after your departure

Your velvety voice

was promising peace

You disappointed me

with your hostility

But now I am sitting here

In the district block

post-revolution

and not in Britain

Where I fell straight into the war
into the epicentre of the revolution
unknowingly

And I am bored

And I feel blind

Walking through the bushes
of lilies of the valley
without blinking

and everything seems meaningless in this matrix of things

And there is a new fire
whatever I touch

And people eating each other like animals

It’s the time of apocalyptic fury
on both sides

So let’s hide

Maybe forever

Let’s wait for the storm to end

And meet on the other side

When the slaughter is over

If ever

This is a war, honey – what a shame.

It was a dream about us being those special sandpit friends

in a nice love-unity

and joy

of building something

together

without hitting each other with a spade on the head

and scheming to destroy your underground tunnels

when everything seemed to go great

conspiring with the district gang

how to win over me

I had a dream of us being different then them

But those things are impossible

how could I forget that you are the only child

all this mistrust

and

ego trips

I retreat

to the very end of the park

to talk with the sunshine instead

and play with pebbles and dirt

but then

the anger at your murderous betrayal

hits me

so

I

watch you and your gang

delaying my revenge

don’t you think I forgot

about hate

not yet