All alone, in perpetual darkness
Inside
Cause outside
Everything seems to be smooth and shiny
But no
Deep deep down
There is nothing
Disconnected hollowness
And there is fear
A deep deep pitch
I prefer not to look into closely
Please don’t be bad
Will the shadow disappear
Wherever I go I feel coldness
With you it felt that everything was in alignment
Even my head
Especially it
And my body more grounded
Or my soul
If there is such a thing
now it is chaos
And all the doors are blocked in my apartment
Can’t talk with anybody
Except for what they throw at me
That’s it
Always interrupted
Whenever my thought is pursuing something
The surface people are like daggers
They are embodied
And I am removed
Once with you I felt there was some meaning
To all what is floating and disjoined
And my mind had been grounded
But now I hate you
Because all you have seen in me was a woman
And you
In it
And me like your canvas or a character.
You are moving too fast
With that little poem
Guerilla warfare
In the depths of your dark – green eyes
Emeralds
But she wants diamonds
Like always
Maybe she even could stoop so low and
accept the fake ones
It’s all so trite
These women
What do I need it for?
Devil knows
Like if it was not enough
Eating strawberries
On a Saturday morning.
I can’t stand being without you, today
When the order of Satan is encircling you
To push you away
The blood ritual
Which makes me faint
Why the darkness is pressing you down
It sends needles down my spine
The nature doesn’t have to be made for death
Cristal waters
Green rivers
Little huts
Instead – bloodshed is coming from behind the border
Escape
I cannot solve the puzzle of my soul
Maybe I am an infinite emptiness
Maybe I am just a boring entity
Without a goal and motor
The feeling have left me
After the storm
What is there to pursue
Decorating the home?
I was hungry so I have eaten
Now
I want to dance a little
Its all in pieces
Its just existence
Mundanity
Oh insanity
You are a blessing
You give a meaning to this disconnected pleasant normality
What is there underneath
Don’t ask your mother
She won’t say anything
How is she not bored with this mundane eternity
It’s a christian revolution
resurrection of the Christ
cause he is no longer stupid and blind
I will detonate those lies
with a rose blast
cause I can’t sleep at nights
In the realm of my prison
in my mind
I will detonate that fakeness of your lies
the whole squadron of the stars
the self-loving mirror gazers
of all kind
I will detonate the fakeness of your lives
The puzzle of love
is in the mind
but in my head it’s like shattered triangles
sometimes it’s right sometimes it’s left
all that mystical mess
my mind desynchronizes
when I’m trying to avoid your gaze
the puzzle of love
is your quest
it was in Spain
couldn’t remember
cause everything is happening next too me
under his
military order
that is the one
husband is called
there is nobody to save you
and not even the feminists
satanic or not
nobody cares
put on the sun – screen lotion
as if i cared
I’ 12 and I’m very depressed
love fantasy
jesus
pills
creating an altar
but my sister is not into religion
orange carpet
and I
loneliness
almost masculine
harsh
the imagination
of the catholic church
is rigid
i need more spring
more spring flowers and water
but not to holy mary
this men in white gowns must be very sad
priests
boys in entrapment
I am not interested in my own thoughts anymore
The Machine does it for me
I just lie there
contemplating these four flies at the ceiling
one of them is doing a peculiar quadrical dance
fly’s quadrille
never seen anything like that before
not that I care about the flies
not that I care about anything
People!
Trying to press my head into my hands
to consolidate, to close the circle
to calm down those algorythms
Mother
she is there too, in my head
and my lover Judas with Jezebel.
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