Animus

With you it felt that everything was in alignment

Even my head

Especially it

And my body more grounded

Or my soul

If there is such a thing 

now it is chaos

And all the doors are blocked in my apartment

Can’t talk with anybody

Except for what they throw at me

That’s it

Always interrupted

Whenever my thought is pursuing something

The surface people are like daggers

They are embodied

And I am removed

Once with you I felt there was some meaning

To all what is floating and disjoined

And my mind had been grounded 

But now I hate you

Because all you have seen in me was a woman

And you 

In it 

And me like your canvas or a character.

Advertisement

FEMALNESS

I cannot solve the puzzle of my soul

Maybe I am an infinite emptiness

Maybe I am just a boring entity

Without a goal and motor

The feeling have left me

After the storm

What is there to pursue

Decorating the home?

I was hungry so I have eaten

Now

I want to dance a little

Its all in pieces

Its just existence

Mundanity

Oh insanity

You are a blessing

You give a meaning to this disconnected pleasant normality

What is there underneath

Don’t ask your mother

She won’t say anything

How is she not bored with this mundane eternity

Cyborg’s afternoon

I am not interested in my own thoughts anymore

The Machine does it for me

I just lie there

contemplating these four flies at the ceiling

one of them is doing a peculiar quadrical dance

fly’s quadrille

never seen anything like that before

not that I care about the flies

not that I care about anything

People!

Trying to press my head into my hands

to consolidate, to close the circle

to calm down those algorythms

Mother

she is there too, in my head

and my lover Judas with Jezebel.

Lilith or Lucifer rising

Still nothing about love, Virgin

just spikes and shiny steel

no dead people rising

no kisses

no warm

schizophrenic galaxy

boredom

lucifer is encircling me two days in a row

this week

it is stifling

lucifer on monday

another on tuesday

hope there will be rain

on wednesday

or at least

a rose, with spikes made of her

anger

there is no love in your galaxy,

virgin

expensive diamond skulls

jewellery

I have lost the meaning of waiting

for your sign

I’m lost

and buried

deep deep down

in a darkly underground

This is a war, honey – what a shame.

It was a dream about us being those special sandpit friends

in a nice love-unity

and joy

of building something

together

without hitting each other with a spade on the head

and scheming to destroy your underground tunnels

when everything seemed to go great

conspiring with the district gang

how to win over me

I had a dream of us being different then them

But those things are impossible

how could I forget that you are the only child

all this mistrust

and

ego trips

I retreat

to the very end of the park

to talk with the sunshine instead

and play with pebbles and dirt

but then

the anger at your murderous betrayal

hits me

so

I

watch you and your gang

delaying my revenge

don’t you think I forgot

about hate

not yet

TOUGH

But you mine, I think so, tak…

if we were in a paradise…

love and art

but there is a war on

soldier

you better move on

love

you better move on!

kiss and breath

flowers and guns

miss you too much

too much

amazing

this in love feeling is

too much

he said

and she smiled

You conquered

she said

climbing on him

on the bench

in the central park.

Come back into September

Came back into a deepest darkness
to hide
had a dream
with you in there
you called me strange
a lady
then you left
or we left

it was still better than now
when i wake up
it’s nothing
i keep my mind in this deepest darkness
with you
at least you are there
sometimes
can’t stand the reality
now
don’t see what i can do
nothing ever will be fine

His Hero’s journey – Poem nr. Jan.9

His hero’s journey

what a nonsense but wait –

So he actually believes that he is not just a big (vast) emptiness?

He actually sees something when he closes his eyes?

Not darkness to escape from?

Well, that’s actually refreshing (to be honest)

after those endless years of Nietzsche

and abortion gangs

(I’m really terribly sorry to say that).

 

something new –

like an addiction

like fresh grass

like summer

like horseback riding.

 

 

 

 

Informant

A gargantuan hole in my head
the truth is:
dark is my hair
the truth is:
human I am
the truth is:
I live on earth
the truth is:
no much else
the else is a hallucination
a daydream
a lie
king-size, bulky, mountainous messcommunication
a truth without the spell check

Identity

 

Criticize me
I’m immune to it
strange feelings from far way
came
strange feelings from
another place
criticize me
I don’t care
robotise me
treat me as I have no flesh
just brain

criticize me I am back I am