A letter of resignation

I have no soul

No ounce of it in me

I follow the track

Of my destiny

The god or the male

Or the military

Cause it’s them, who lead the world for me

The path is clear

All I need is to submit

I have no soul

It was denied for me.

Animus

With you it felt that everything was in alignment

Even my head

Especially it

And my body more grounded

Or my soul

If there is such a thing 

now it is chaos

And all the doors are blocked in my apartment

Can’t talk with anybody

Except for what they throw at me

That’s it

Always interrupted

Whenever my thought is pursuing something

The surface people are like daggers

They are embodied

And I am removed

Once with you I felt there was some meaning

To all what is floating and disjoined

And my mind had been grounded 

But now I hate you

Because all you have seen in me was a woman

And you 

In it 

And me like your canvas or a character.

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The Reason

As if being down-to-earth

is diminishing our souls

as if it was an insult to us

to degrade to the earthiness and materialism

myopic day-to-day

no, we can’t live like that

but what are the alternatives

only to daydream

in a confused fantasy

the option is the inability to be free in this unfreedom

cause we were not born rich

cause the Russians took our things

and killed our souls with stones

Epitaph on the death of M.

I feel like I’m being killed
by an invisible dagger
What is it?
My soul? Maybe –
Is my soul in my brain
mechanical doll
can’t stand straight
and look in the eye of the
danger

at the cemetery
at the grave
it’s dark
but I can’t feel anything
It’s foggy and dull
I’m looking into the hollow eyes of nothing
she is dead

What does that mean?
there
really
d.e.a.d
it is inexplicable

things like that were not supposed to happen

Cyborg’s afternoon

I am not interested in my own thoughts anymore

The Machine does it for me

I just lie there

contemplating these four flies at the ceiling

one of them is doing a peculiar quadrical dance

fly’s quadrille

never seen anything like that before

not that I care about the flies

not that I care about anything

People!

Trying to press my head into my hands

to consolidate, to close the circle

to calm down those algorythms

Mother

she is there too, in my head

and my lover Judas with Jezebel.

Whistle of a Fool – Song

My ego, my love, I’m still so confused
remember that night I have lost you
Los Angeles street, I think it was Vernon
I knocked on peoples doors asking about God
that night was full of love
this people were wise and soulful

Now, I know it was wrong
I know I wasn’t right
my head was spinning so wildly
cause there is no god
and there is no soul
and doctors
are treating me badly.

Schizoid Song

I am calling my soul back

but she is offended

and she doesn’t answer me

should I go and chase her?

or scare her out of me forever?

is she still alive?

should I try to choke her somewhere in deep water

or go and cross a killing chasm

with her on my arm?

she is such a weakling

quieter and quieter

she just doesn’t speak

she just silently exists

when all the others talk

she disappears.